


Powerless, or maybe not ?

by Loveless_Sky



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, But Kisuke is here, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, Ichigo is a sad baby, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentions of Ichigo's sisters, No one die here, Not Beta Read, References to Depression, The story is better than the summary i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:22:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25228252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loveless_Sky/pseuds/Loveless_Sky
Summary: After losing his shinigami's power, Ichigo is left alone to deal with his feelings. That's until Kisuke find him.(It felt good to have finally someone to help. Even just a little.)
Relationships: Kurosaki Ichigo & Urahara Kisuke, Kurosaki Ichigo/Urahara Kisuke
Comments: 9
Kudos: 138





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello !  
> I'm back again with something i wrote. It took me a while to finished it. I did read it again and tried to make it nice to read, but i'm still sorry if it's not that good :(  
> Oh, and i know there's maybe some things that won't seems right, it's been a while since i watched and read Bleach, so i don't remember all the things, so sorry for that too :(
> 
> And actually that was supposed to be an OS but i turned it into a mini-fic because that was long even for an OS (like more that 8000 words).  
> There's only 4 chapters, so it's not that long anymore like this.  
> Well, i hope you're going to enjoy your reading !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of Ichigo's feeling about the whole situation.

It wasn't easy. Hell, he was so hurt he thought he could've die at any moment. Obviously, he did lose a part of his soul after all. And no one seems to care. Every one around him, they just disregard what had happened to him.  
And odd enough, it was one of the person he expected the less, that gave a damn about him. The only one that was smart enough to see that, no, he was not fine. He was far from fine. He was miserable. And all he could do to ease his pain was drowning himself into his studies.

Every days he would wake up, dress himself, go to school, go home and do his homework till late, then sleep. And repeat. Days after days.  
He was barely talking, barely eating and was suffering from his lake of sleep. And even with all of that, no one cared enough to ask him if he was really alright.

Until one day. He was near the river where his mother had been killed. Leaning on the grass, looking at the clouds that where gathering above him in the sky. He did stay here for a long time. Hours probably.  
Then, when he had his eyes closed, a shadow took place above him, screening the sun from going into his face. Once he had opened his eyes, he could see a familiar stripped hat on top of blond hair.

And then, it was like this. Ichigo would go there, Urahara would join him. And they would talk, argue on some topic and maybe laugh on other if they were in the mood of doing so.  
But whatever happened, Ichigo couldn't go Urahara's shop. It's not that he wouldn't, he would like to go there again, like the old time. But, he knew that it would hurt to go there. It would hurt because that's were he would go when he had his shinigami power. He would be training, learning and working on his power. And now, he could do nothing. He was powerless.

But all of this changed one night. Ichigo was eating with his sisters and father, without a word, he was just eating mecanically. His sisters were trying to talk with him and all he could do was nod or shake his head. It's not that he didn't want to talk with them, it was more that he was getting tired of always hearing the same thing. "How are you ?", "Did you have a good day ?" "It's been a long time since we last saw /***/ ". It was tiring.  
And then, his father snapped at him.

"Get a fucking hold of yourself Ichigo ! You can't play the depressed guy for the rest of your life !"

"<> ? Do you even know how i'm fucking feeling goat-face ?!"

"Your mood is ruining this family !"

"My mood ?! Are you kidding me ?! Are you aware of what i feel like ? Of what it does to you when you have part of your soul ripped away from you ?!"

"Oh please, it can't be that bad ! You don't have your shinigami's power okay but it's not the end of the world !"

Astonished, Ichigo couldn't say anything for a couples of seconds. How dare his father say something like that ? It wasn't him that had lost part of his soul ! Clenching his jaw and fists in an attempt to stay calm, he could only glare at his so called father.

"It's not the end of the world, you say ? Do you know what i'm feeling ? What i'm not feeling ? I don't feel alive anymore. I feel like a fucking walking corpse. Without purpose. I could be dead for all i care and it would be the same. And whose fault is that ? You should have take your father's role seriously. You should have trained me and helped me growing with my power. I had to learned by myself all of this shit. It's part of your fucking fault that i'm not alive anymore "dad"."

He spat his last word with venom. And without any chance to dodge it, he could feel his father's hand meet his cheeks with so much force and anger that he would have fall if he hadn't held back on the chair.

"Nii-san !"

"What the fuck dad ?!"

The orange haired boy took his hand to his cheek, feeling his hot and hurting skin underneath. He was sure he would have a bruise in a few hours. A dark chuckle found his way out of his lips. Turning his head to face his sisters, he did nothing, said nothing for a moment. They were looking at him with concern. And even if he was hurt, he found the strength to smile at them, trying to be reassuring.

"It's okay girls. It's nothing. It just proves me one thing."

Turning to his dad, his gaze darkened. It was the last straw.

"Congratulations. I'm fucking done with all this bullshit."

Standing up, he took his way to the stairs. In his room, he took a sport bag and begun to put clothes and some of his personnal items in it. He was done. Done with the glare. Done with the questions. Done with his dad. With everyone. He was fucking done.  
Zipping his bag, he took his school bag and phone before leaving his room again. Going downstairs, he could still see his sisters and father sitting at the table.

"Ichi-nii, where are you going ?"

He turned around, were he could see Karin looking at him, worried. He couldn't help the little stinging feeling he felt in his heart. But he knew he had to do this. He couldn't stay like this anymore. Thinking of what his father would say and do, it was enough for him to fell anger again.

"Somewhere where i'm not going to be reprimend for feeling the way i am. Somewhere where i'm not going to be fucking slap around. I'll see you later guys, take care."

Before the door closed, he was able to see the sad faces of his sisters and the angry face of his father. But he couldn't care less. It was his fault for not understanding. His fault for not having trained him and explained things to him. His fault for saying those things, for hitting him.

He was on his way to Urahara's shop when he felt tears starting to build up in his eyes. Taking his hand to them, he tried to push them away without any results. They were rolling down his cold cheeks, burning their ways to his chin. He couldn't believe that he was crying right now, after all this time. He didn't even know when was the last time he had cried like this. It felt like ages ago.  
Nearly choking on a sob, he was now in front of the shoten, wondering if he should really be there right now. It was the first time he went here after loosing his power. Thinking for a minute, he then took his way to the front, where the closed door was. It was late and the lights of the shop part were off. But he knew that Urahara would be awake. He seems to be always awake for some reasons.  
Trying to take a deep breath, he knock on the door loudly, waiting for someone to answer. It tooks only a couples of seconds before the door opened.

"Ichigo ? Ichigo, what happened ?"

"U-Urahara... Can i come inside ? Please."

"Of course. Come on, i'll make some tea."

Letting the orange haired boy come inside, the blond one then close the door, leading them into the main room. Ichigo sat down on the floor, near the table, drawing his knees close to his chest. Where Urahara was, he could see the younger boy act. He could even see the blue bruise that was starting to form on his cheek. Minutes later, he came back with a tray containing the tea. Serving two cups, he then handed one to the boy in front of him.

"Thank you..."

"You're welcome."

He said that with a small smile, like he was trying to make Ichigo comfortable with his presence. The older man still didn't know what happened to the younger one. He did want to know but he wouldn't urge him to do so. Some minutes later, after finishing his cup of tea, Ichigo looked up to face Urahara.

"I'm sorry i came here so late without telling you."

"It's okay, i did say that you could come here at any time."

"Still. Honestly i thought that i wouldn't come back here. Memories and stuff, you know."

"I know. But you're still here."

"Yeah, apparently..."

And then he stayed quiet. Looking around him as if he was reliving some of his memories. Sighing silently, he drew his knees back to his chest, resting his chin on top of them. It was time for some explanations.

"I had a fight with goat-face. It didn't quite end well as you can see."

He pointed at his cheek that was now bluish. He could see Urahara frowning, his eyebrows were visible due to the lack of hat on the blond head.

"Did he hit you ?"

"Back handed me. Still hurt like hell though. Didn't know he had this much force."

"Why did he do that ?"

"Guess i have to explain it all. We were eating when he snapped at me and told me to "get a fucking hold of myself and to stop playing the depressed guy". Well, it's not word by word but at the end it's the same thing. That i was ruining the family and I shouldn't be like that because it wasn't the end of the world. Something like that. I yelled at him saying that it was part of his fault that i was like this. That i felt like dying was a better option than being this way because it fucking hurt. I told him that he should have been a better father, that he should have explained and trained be better. Than he snapped and back handed me hard enough for me to nearly fall. I packed a bag and came here. And now here i am, crying all over again. Pathetic really."

Tears were falling on his knees as he got quiet after his explaination. He didn't want to cry in front of Urahara but he was hurting. So much that he wasn't able to tell the difference between physical and emotional pain. It's was so tiring.

"He shouldn't have say all of this. You were right to complain. Even i never experienced what is happening to you but i can imagine how much pain you're in. I don't know what's wrong with him but he's not doing his job for a father. Masaki would be dissapoint in him. He have no right to treat you like that."

"And yet he still does it."

"Unfortunately."

"Urahara... Can i stay here for a couple of days ? I'll start doing some research to find somewhere to stay later. I just don't want to go there anymore if it's how it's gonna be."

"None of that. I have more than enough room, you can stay here all you want. You don't have to find somewhere else."

"I don't want to intrude."

"Nope, you're not intruding. After all, i'm the one who ask you to stay here. I would be more at peace if you did actually."

"Why would you do that ? It's not like i'm good company or something."

"Ichigo. I know you're not doing well. And honestly i don't want you to be alone, without anyone understanding you and risking that you do something drastic."

Letting his eyes fall on the blond man, Ichigo could see concern in his grey eyes. It's been so long since someone had said things like that to him. He was used to be ignored or complained. But not this.

"I don't plan to do something so crazy just yet."

"Still. I'm not going to hide this from you, but i had been worried for you since the day we first talk near this river. If i knew you were feeling like that, i would have come sooner. I was told that you were doing at least partially good. Seems like this information was wrong. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry ? It's not like i was telling everyone how i really felt until now. I'm just so fucking tired of all of this. That's it."

Putting a hand in his hair, he then shuffeled them, embarassed. He wouldn't say it but having someone worrying for you, felt nice. After his fight with his father, all he wanted was just a little bit of peace. And if he had to be here, at the shoten, than be it.

"Well, it's late, you can take the room next to mine, there's a futon in it already."

"Any idea why there's a futon in the normally empty room next to yours ?"

"Ahh, who knows Ichigo, who knows !"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note, i'll be posting the next chapters all at the same time !


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to become a bit more serious for Ichigo and Kisuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm publishing all the chapter in one time. Like this i'm gonna be able to focused on my next writing !  
> Enjoy !

It's already been six days since then. The orange haired boy was laying on his back, outside of the shop. He could feel the grass tickling his ears as he let his eyes wandering in the shapes the clouds were forming above him. He hadn't been in touch with his father since the fight and to be honest, he didn't really care for the time being as his sisters were telling him that he was being a pain in the ass at home.

Sighing, he stood up to a sitting position. It was becoming harder as the time was passing. He coudn't do anything apart from going to school and even that was starting to be boring. He missed the old time were he could be training with anyone. The time were he felt the more alive even if it wasn't always an easy time for the shinigami. Hell, he was even missing Shiro and his stupid remarks. Without him noticing it, a presence came behind him, pressing a hand into his head, shuffling his hair roughly. Starteled, he quickly turned around to see Urahara laughing.

"Dammit Urahara, stop doing that, i'm gonna have a heart attack before my time comes, i swear."

"You're young, you're doing fine with your heart."

"How would you know ? I could have heart failure for all i know."

"Pretty sure you're fine. So what are you doing back there ?"

"Waiting for my death by being bored as hell."

"Aahhh, i could keep you company if you want Strawberry-kun ?"

"Oh my god don't call me that for fuck sake !"

"Why not ? I think it's a nice nickname."

"Yeah right. Maybe i should find you a "nice nickname" too."

"I would be honnered !"

Chuckling, Urahara sat next to the younger man, extanding his head to the sky, looking at the clouds that were becoming darker as time pass.

"It's going to rain soon."

"That's possible. We should go back inside."

"I guess."

"Come on, i'll make us some tea ?"

Nodding his head, he and Urahara stood up to walk to the shoten. It wasn't long before they were sitting again, this time in the main room with a cup of tea. After taking a sip of his tea, Ichigo let his body fall on the ground, leaning down again. He turned his head to his side, looking direcly at the blond man.

"Say Urahara, do you think it's possible for me to have shinigami power again ? Even if it's just a little..."

"Hmm..."

Putting his forefinger and thumb under his chin, Urahara start thinking. After some time, he flew open his fan before talking again.

"I think this could be possible. I know that Rukia gave you part of her power that night. I'm only guessing that this could happen again, in certain circumstance. But seeing as you lost your power, i think it would take more than just someone like her to bring back your power. In my point of view, i don't really think your power is gone. More along the lines that they are somewhere but you are unable to use them for some reasons."

Blinking his eyes in shook, Ichigo then jumped up in a sitting position. He was fast to crawl on his knees to near where Urahara was, letting small space between the two bodies. He was smiling a little, something he hadn't really done since some time now.

"Are you serious ?! Do you really think i could be a shinigami again ?"

"I think so. You never really stop being a shinigami per say. You just can't use your power anymore for the time being."

"Is that for real ?"

"It is, yes."

Looking down at his knees, it was then that he felt the tears falling on them. He had no idea he was crying until now. Hearing that he could have his shinigami power back was like being alive all over again. Silently, he took his hand to his eyes, hiding them.

"I hope they are happy tears ?"

"Of course they are ! Shit, i can't believe what you just said."

"You should."

"I know ! I know, but, ah fuck..."

A tiny sob escaped his lips as he tried to speak his thoughts to the man in front of him. Why did no one told him that before ? Why no one took the time to explain to him all of that ?

"Why... They said that i would never be a shinigami again, why would they say that ?"

"I don't know. Maybe they didn't do some research. Or they are simply stupid enough to think that you would be having a better life if you knew that you wouldn't have your power back. I can't really tell Ichigo."

"That's some bullshit. As the days were passing i though i would die a stupid way or something. Hell, i was fucking depressed for months and nobody did anything ! I could have killed myself and no one would have care or know. Fuck, i did though about all of that you know ?"

"About killing yourself ?"

He could see that there was concern in the eyes in front of him. After all, who would not be concern by that ?

"Yeah. I know it's stupid and all, but really, when i lost my power, it was like i was being killed. I don't know, i was hurting physically and mentally and no one gave a damn ? Like, my father did nothing, just said that i should stop all of my depressing stuff. My so called friends never really talked to me like before, they would shut up as soon as someone mentionned something to do with the soul society and everyone from there never though it was a good idea to come see me with a gigai from you. Maybe i was only good to get ride of the shit going on for them. Maybe i wasn't good enough for them to care pass that. I don't know."

"Do you still feel like it ?"

"Honestly ? Sometimes, i guess ? Not really now but some times ago, it was a really hard time for me. But it's fine, i know it's not the good thing to do. Besides, who would be bugging you if i weren't there, old man ?"

Lifting one of his eyebrow, he let out a smirk. He find it funny how Urahara would react all the time when he was called an old man by someone.

"Hey ! I'm not that old !"

"Oh yeah ? Aren't you like, i don't know, three undred years or something ? That's hella old, old man~"

"Oh you, you're gonna regret this, young man !"

"See ? You even call me young, if you though you weren't old, you would call yourself a young man, no ?"

He couldn't dodge the man fast enough when he pratically fell on top of him. He hadn't had the time to say anything that he was already laughing so loud he could have woke up the dead. The hands and fingers of the blond man were tickling his sides, were he was the more ticklish. He was short on breath when he tried to pull away from the man in front of him, pushing his hands against the chest of the other.

"O-oh my g-god ! St-ahahah ! S-stop it a-already !"

"So, am i really an old man, Ichigo ?"

"Y-you a-ahahah -re !"

"I'm gonna have to spill it out of you then !"

The tickling found his way nearly all over his body while tears of laugh were spilling down his red face. In a moment of strenght, the orange haired boy was capable of grabbing the two hands of the other. Still laughing a little, he managed to keep a strong grip on both hands, even if it was with a bit of difficulty. Laughing and staring at Urahara, he couldn't stop himself from finding the other pretty, smiling like that. Shaking the thought of his head, he let out a sigh, still looking at the blond man.

"So, can i let go of your hands without fearing for my life ?"

"You can. If you find an other nickname that doesn't include the word "old"."

"Let me think about it, i'll find something for your liking, mister hat."

"Hey, i like my hat, i look fine in it !"

"I guess but-"

Grabing the edge of the stripped hat, Ichigo let it fall to the side, on the floor.

"You look better without it."

"Oh, really ?"

"Yeah, really."

After that, it was quiet, they were just looking at each other. As time pass, they stayed in this position, Urahara on top of Ichigo, his hands at the sides of the orange haired head, on the floor. Looking at each other in their eyes, brown meeting grey.  
Ichigo's eyes slowly dared to look at the other lips for a second. His head started to lean up as Urahara's started to lean down. Their lips were close to each other when they seems to regain consciousness of the situation, the two pulling back at nearly the same time. They then sat up, Ichigo putting his hand in his hair, slightly embarassed.

"Yeah, hum, i'll find you an other nickname. Even if i'm still going to call you that in my head."

"Guess i can't do anything against this..."

"Exactly."

The rest of the day was a bit awkward. Ichigo decided to do some work at some point, clearly to avoid the tension in the room he was with Urahara.  
When Tessai came back with Ururu and Jinta, the tall man could fell the tension in the room. You could practically cut it with a knife.  
Dinner came and then it was time for everyone to go to bed. Ichigo was laying on top of the futon, his arms cross behind his head in support. He kept thinking about what had happened earlier. What if they hadn't pulled away ? Would they have kissed ? It's not like he would be against it. He knew that he had started to feel something for the blond man. It had started way before he came to stay here after his fight with his father.

Rolling to his side, he let out a sigh. He didn't know what he should do with these feelings. Should he keep them for himself ? Should he tell them ? It's not like he was sure that Urahara felt something for him too. Sure he had been close to kissing him earlier. But it could have been because of how the things were going. He didn't know and it was bothering him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the confrontation between the two men~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write all the "fluff/cute" scenes but i'm not really good at it so please forgive me :(  
> I'm better at writing sad stuff smh ? I don't know why ?  
> Still, enjoy this chapter !

This night, the orange haired boy didn't sleep. His mind had kept him awake for nearly all night, leaving him to sleep for barely two complet hours. When he woke up from his little amound of sleep, he could feel his head hurting. Putting one arm over his eyes to prevent the sun from getting there, he then heard the door slide open.

"Ah, i think i don't need to ask you how well you slept ? Is it because you were thinking of a nickname for me ?~"

"I can't stand you this early in the morning Urahara, go away."

"There's breakfast in the other room. I'll suggest that you do not take all your time if you want to eat some. Jinta is quite hungry for some reason."

"Must be a growing spurt. Let him eat i'm not hungry anyway."

"If you're sure then."

"I'm sure. Leave me alone now."

It took some times for Urahara to leave Ichigo alone. He seems to want to say something but didn't. The door closed, the boy let his arm, that was still on his eyes, fall to his side. After yesterday, it was worse now to forget about his feelings. Maybe he should move and stay somewhere else. He didn't want to go back to his house. He felt oppressed there

He wasn't able to stay alone for too long because, thirty minutes later, the door slide open again. Urahara was there, a tray in his hands. Without much more noise, he walked to were Ichigo was, putting the tray on the floor near Ichigo's head. Tea and croissant.

"Breakfast in bed, you should be thankful. I'm such a nice person..."

"Oh ? So please tell me why you are eating it ?"

"Shut up."

"Yes, yes. Of course, it's just my imagination. Don't worry about it !"

"Sshhhh. You're disturbing me and my thoughts."

"You can think ?"

Glaring at the blond man in front of him, Ichigo was tempt to throw his croissant in his face. Deciding that it would be a waste as it was pretty good, he just kept on glaring. Taking a sip of the tea, he then sat up criss-cross, facing Urahara.

"Yes i can think just well thank you very much."

"And would you mind to share, what are you thinking about ?"

"You don't have to know, old man."

"Careful, i may just have to tickle you again if you continue with this. You wouldn't want to find yourself in the same position as yesterday, would you ?"

"Maybe that's what i want ?"

Cursing under his breath seconds after he said that, he divert his gaze, turning to the side. He couldn't believe he had just said that. What was wrong with him ? Yesterday he was thinking on never telling his feeling on the situation and now, here he was, telling that to the man. He was in deep troubles now.

"Forget what i said. I'm still sleepy."

"Should i really forget that Ichigo ?"

Bending forward a little, the older man was now centimeters away from the younger one. Their noses were practically touching and they could feel the breath of the other on their skin. Ichigo's heart was beating so fast he was sure he could feel it in his ears.

"Is it why you couldn't sleep this night ?"

"I... Maybe."

"You're not sure ?"

"And what if i were ?"

"Then i could know if i can or can't kiss you right now."

There was no chance Urahara was serious. Why would he want to kiss him ? Of all the people he could have ? Shaking his head a little and sighing, Ichigo closed his eyes for a second before opening them again.

"Please Urahara, stop playing while you still can. I'm not in the mood for your dumb jokes."

Something changed in the grey eyes. They were not playful anymore. They were just serious. Ichigo could feel a chill runing down his spine. Swallowing, he tried to keep his eyes fixed in the others.

"What if i'm not playing a game ? Because believe me, i'm certainly not playing any kind of game in this moment."

"Why would you want to kiss me then ?"

"Why asking so much questions ?"

"Because i don't want to be hurt again."

"And i don't want to hurt you. Far from that actually."

"Do... Do you like me ?"

"A little too much for the liking of other i believe."

The orange haired couldn't resist anymore. Their lips finally met after being so close all this time. The kiss was soft, like they were afraid the other would grow afraid and pull away at any moment. After seeing that neither of them would pull back, they began to kiss more powerfully. Kisuke's hands took place near Ichigo's head, pining him against the futon. A small whimper could be hear as the blond haired tongue applied pressure against his bottom lips, asking for entrance. Without thinking, the younger man slightly parted his lips, giving Urahara nearly all the control in the kiss. Unfortunately, they had to breath. They slightly pulled back, opening their eyes. Their foreheads were now touching, leaving little to no space between to two of them. Ichigo could see Urahara smirking a little.

"Why are you smirking like that old man ?"

"Aw don't call me like that, it makes me feel like i'm doing something illegal."

"I mean..."

Ichigo turned his head to the side, trying to hide his smiling face. Urahara was quick to put a hand on his cheek to turn his face back in front of him.

"You're eighteen, right ?"

"Why are you asking like you're not aware of my age ?"

"You could have lied about it."

"I didn't, i'm pretty sure that i'm eighteen. If my father didn't lied about that."

"Isshin is going to kill me so hard."

"He doesn't have to know about that. And even if he knew, it's my life not his. I can choose who i want to love."

Thinking back at what he just said, he felt his cheeks burning. Did he really just confess his love for the man in front of him ? One look at Urahara was enough to answer his own question. The man was looking at him, his lips slightly apart. Bringing a hand to his face, he quickly hides himself behind it. He wasn't able to stay like this for a long time an other hand came to his own to bring it back down on his side.

"Do you really feel like that ?"

Turning his head to the side to avoid the grey eyes in front of him, he simply nod his head twice.

"I wouldn't want to kiss every body. But you don't have to respond or something..."

"Ichigo, look at me please."

Hesitating at first, he then slowly turned his face back to the initial place. Brown eyes met grey ones. And if he was to tell the truth, he was taken aback by how serious Urahara looked right now.

"Good. Now listen and listen good because i know you and i know you won't believe it but i am serious. I love you too Ichigo. It's not some kind of joke."

Blushing even more, the only thing Ichigo seems capable to do was stuttering. After all, it was his first time feeling like that. It was the first time he ever fell in love with someone. He hadn't exactly expected to fall for the blond man, but that was how life was. If he was to fall for a man, for this man, then he could do nothing about this.

"Are you embarrassed ? ~"

"Shut up ! I didn't expected that ! I thought you were going to reject me or something along the line !"

"Well, that's not true obviously. It was me, who was shocked. I mean i'm not exactly the type for a man like you."

"Maybe. But you're the type i want. You're the only one who seems to really care about me. You understand me. I don't know how, but, i know i started to feel something for you a while back. I just didn't think you would go for someone younger than you."

"Again with the age ? Am i that old ?"

Smirking a bit, Ichigo only looked back at Urahara.

"Nah, it's alright. I'm only joking about it. If we were to look at you, without knowing that you're not exactly humain, you could say that you are in your mid twenties. It's not that old, seeing it like that."

"I'm taking this as a compliment then ! Now that the talking is finished, can we enjoy our moment here ?"

"Our mome-"

His sentence remained unfinished. Urahara's lips were pressed against his, moving on them. A soft moan escaped Ichigo's lips as he could feel the other's tongue pressed against his bottom lip, asking for entrance again. Without thinking, he parted his lips, accepting the muscle inside. The younger man could feel the older's hand travelling on his side, making him squirm a little at the sensation. Pulling apart a little, he let a tiny laugh be heard.

"It tickles stop it."

"We're going to have to turns this ticklish feeling into something more pleasurable, hm ?"

"Yeah but, n-not now..."

"I wouldn't though of that. We have all the time we want for that to happen later."

Smiling a little at how Ichigo was becoming redder as the time pass, he then bend over to kiss the top of his nose.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isshin is back to talk to Ichigo and Kisuke has been planing something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last part ! And the longest one too.  
> I kind of like that part even if i don't know if i wrote it right ?  
> Well, enjoy !

Three days later, as Ichigo was leaving his school, he was surprised to see his father at the front gate. And even if he was, indeed, shocked, he never let his face fall, always keeping his apparence. Walking to his father who was leaning against the wall, he stopped right in front of him, looking direcly into his father's eyes. And for one of the only time, his face was serious.

"Let's not talk here. I don't want everyone in the school to know of my private life with my family. It'll be a pain in the ass to avoid all of them."

Without waiting for an answer, he turned around and begun to walk. His hands in his pockets, he was walking without a word, the only sound made was him shooting in a rock. He didn't know why his father was here and if he was honnest, he wasn't really up to talk with him. But it was still his father, he couldn't cut all ties with him like that. And who knows, maybe the older man did think about the situation and saw were he had been wrong. Or maybe not. He'll have to see that later.

When he stopped walking, he knew exactly where he was. The side of the river where his mother had been killed by the hollow. He always came here when he wanted to talk or just relax. Maybe he should come here again with Urahara.

"What do you want ?"

"Were have you been ? You left home and didn't answer your phone. I had to come to your school to have a chance to see you."

"I didn't ask you to come if it bothered you so much."

"It didn't. So, where were you ?"

"Somewhere where they give a damn about my well being."

"Ichigo, i'm your father, i give a damn about you too."

"Doesn't look like it. I mean, for someone who cares, you're doing a pretty shitty job if you ask me."

Turning around to face his father in the eyes, he stayed quiet. He didn't especially want to fight again with him, but he couldn't help himself. He was still hurt by how his father and the other were acting around him. They didn't help him like they probably thought. They were doing the opposite.

"Did you know ? Do you know how i feel ? I'm tired but not exactly tired enough to give up yet. Tired of how everyone was acting around me. Tired of being left behind. Everyone's traiting me like some kind of disabled person. But i'm not. My supposely friends at school, in the soul society. You. Every single person is acting the opposite of what they should be doing in this case."

He looked at his father, expecting him to say something. When he understood that he would not respond now, he started talking again. It was time to tell everything.

"You're all supposed to support me, i get it. Really. But not ignore me and my pain. Since i lost my power, half my soul, everyone dissapeared. Not physically, i know, but mentally ? You stopped talking about everything. You all started to think that i was okay with that. That i was okay when i lost my power. That i was okay when i was fucking crying my eyes out at night because it fucking hurt. That's some bullshit. I never was okay, never will. Tell you what, i actually had thoughts about ending it all. Never actually did something about it. I'm not that desperate."

That's it. Everything is in the open now. His father was looking directly at him, still without saying a single word to him. It was becoming awkward when the older man finally managed to say something.

"I didn't know. I should have noticed."

"Yes, you should have noticed how your son was slowly deteriorating. Noticed how i was actually doing. But no one actually did."

"I'm really sorry Ichigo. Really. If... If i can do anything, tell me, i will."

"I'm still pissed of. I'll probably come back home in some time. Tell Yuzu and Karin i'll come to see them in a day or two."

"Will you tell me where you are ?"

Thinking about it for a minute or two, he looked a last time at his father, finding him still serious.

"I'm staying with Urahara. It's better when you have someone who understand and explain thing to you."

He wasn't sure but he though he catch something inside his father's eyes. He couldn't have knew about them just yet, could he ?

"Well, i'm going. And don't think about coming if it's to end things with a fight of some sort. Don't messed up again, i just want some good time for once. And if you do messed up, i won't be so calm about it. See you."

After that, Ichigo started to walk in the opposite side, in direction of the shoten. If his father was thinking of picking a fight where he felt the most at peace, he was going to be pissed. He didn't really care that he might have hinted that there was something going on with them two. If the other found out, then that would be one thing that he wouldn't have to explain.

Sighing, he opened the door without any further notice. Going into the main room, he wasn't so surprise to see Urahara there, a tray with warm tea on the table. Smiling a little at the attention he could get from the blond man, he approched and bent down to put a kiss on the other cheek.

"Something happened on your way home ?"

Home.

"How do you know ?"

"You're here later than usual. And you have this serious look. I'm only guessing that something happened."

"Dad was waiting for me after my classes ended. We talked a bit by the river. Wanted to know where i was."

"Oh ? What did you say ?"

"Basically to stay out of my business at first. Then i kinda snapped and told him about how he did a shitty job at being a father. But ended by saying i was here."

Urahara's eyebrows linked together for a second. He took a sip of the tea he had in his hands before leaving the cup on the table.

"And he didn't say anything about it ?"

"I didn't exactly let him time to answer. I kinda hinted that if he came here to start a fight i would fight back. And that i just wanted some good time or something..."

Putting a hand in his hair, he could now feel a bit of embarrassement creeping his way in his body. He know that it wasn't a way to talk to his father. But he just wanted to have some peace for once with Urahara. Looking at the blond haired man, he could see a smirk on his face. Turning his own face to the side, he let his hand come to his face, hiding his eyes.

"Stop smirking it's not funny."

"Oh no, it's not funny. Actually i find it cute that you would say that."

Still not looking, he could hear the other man move closer to him, sitting now beside his body. A shiver went down his spine when a hand pushed away his own, finishing his way on his red cheek.

"Remind me to never tell you anything."

"My, my, why saying that ?"

"You make everything i'm saying embarrassing."

"I'm only saying that you're cute."

"Oh my god shut up already."

"Never."

Bending over a bit more, Urahara let his lips mets the ones of his lover, stopping him from speaking any more than he was already. Putting his fingers under the orange haired chin, he tilted his head a bit more upward to be more comfortable to kiss him. He parted his lips to let their tongues dance, sighing in pleasure as he did so.  
Pulling back their bodies a little, he smiled when he took a glance at Ichigo's face. The boy was flushed and breathing hard.

"You're beautiful Ichigo. I would kiss you all day if i could."

"Shut up and kiss me already."

"Your wish is my command."

And then, he kissed him again. Hands were traveling on their body, touching all the skin they could have. Soft moans could be heard in the room they were. They were breathing hard when they pulled away again. The blond hand's was strocking the other boy's cheek softly, his grey eyes locked in brown ones.

"Ichigo. I have a surprise for you that i've been planing for some times now. I didn't told you before for some reasons."

"A surprise ? What are you planing ?"

"Hmhm, nothing dangerous, i promise. And i think you're gonna be happy about it. I sure hope so at least."

Looking suspiciously at Urahara, Ichigo was trying to think of what could possibly be his surprise. He couldn't really think of something that would actually make him happy. He wasn't really the type of person who wanted a lot of things to be honest. He was quite simple person.

"I can't think of something, what is it ?"

"I wouldn't expect you to. Well, let's say that i have come to talk with some acquaintances from the past who own me a thing or two. And i ask them for their help with something important. Turns out they were willing to help me."

Ichigo's throat closed for a second. He was thinking of something now, but surely he was wrong, right ? Right ?

"Kisuke, what are you trying to say ?"

The use of the elder's first name was still new. Basically only used when they were having a serious talk. Ichigo could feel his hands begining to shake as he was starting to be nervous. He watch as the blond man stood up and left the room they were in. Standing up on his own, he was about to follow him when he reappeared. The orange haired felt his breath quicken at the sight before him.

"What the hell is this ? I-is that what i think it is ? Tell me i'm not imagining things, please Kisuke..."

The young man could feel his eyes filling with tears. If it was that, he was going to cry his eyes out for sure.  
A mouvement from the other's wrist was practically enough to answer him. A zanpakuto was pointing at him, tall and imposing.

"It is. I gathered more than enough spiritual pressure in this zanpakuto to bring you back your own power, if not more."

"Are you crazy ? How d-did you do that ?"

"I told you already. I have my way with some people. It took me some time to finish it, but that was worth it. I can't bring myself to see you so hurt about losing your power and all it brings with them. You can think that you're good at hiding how you really feels about this situation, but i'm not that dumb. I know that you were hurting more than you were letting me see."

He was right. He was hurting so much that it was becoming harder and harder to just breath. Bringing a hand to his eyes, he tried to wip his tears that were leaking already, bluring his vision.

"Do you want to do this now ? Or should we wait for a bit ?"

"Now ! I... I want it to happen now, please. I want it so bad..."

He was now showing a hurt expression. He knew if Urahara didn't do this now, he wouldn't be able to pretend anymore. He couldn't do it anymore. It was too hard, even for him.

"Okay. You know what's going to happen. It's not your first time. But i do want you to take a deep breath and give me a nod when you feel calm enough, can you do this for me Ichigo ?"

"Y-yes of course. L-let me just..."

He wipped his face with his shirt's sleeve, not caring about it becoming damp with his tears. Taking a deep enough breath, he looked at Urahara, giving him a determined nod of his head.  
After that, all happened so fast. He was able to see the blond man take a step forward him, thightening his grip around the zanpakuto before he passes through his body. Holding back his breath he could feel the flow of the spiritual pressure finding his way inside all of his body. It was hard to keep standing on his feets, because of the power that was filling his corporal form.  
When he opened his eyes, that he couldn't remember closing, he could still see Urahara, close to him, holding him by his elbows.

"D-did it work ?"

"Well, see by yourself ?"

He looked at the older man who was pointing at his form. Looking down, he could see his former shinigami uniform, black and white. Holding back a sob, he let himself fall inside the arms of Urahara, letting his tears wetting his lover's shoulder.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you..."

He kept thanking him like it was a mantra. The other man could do nothing but try to comfort him. Drawing irregular shapes on his clothed back, whispering that it was alright and that he didn't have to thank him. The blond man kept kissing his temples in an attempt to calm the younger.  
After some more minutes, he finally managed to stop himself from crying so much. Pulling back just a little, just enough to look into his boyfriend's eyes, he smiled, widder than before all of this. His cheeks were red from the crying and little embarrassement that he was feeling.

"I love you."

Urahara hadn't expected him to say that just yet but he was happy to hear that from him. He did love him too, had for a long time now.

"I love you too Ichigo. You deserve to be happy, even more than the other."

Letting his head fall on his shoulder, he let out a satisfaying sigh when he could feel the weight of his own zanpakuto on his back. It felt right, so so right. It felt like home, in his own way.

"I can't believe you've done that. I thought i would go crazy before i could even imagine the feeling to have my power back. And you, you... You just tell me that you have a surprise and you pull that out ?! What the hell ? I can't think straight now."

"Because you can think straight ? I had the felling you weren't straight ?"

Letting out a small laugh, Ichigo could feel a weight fall of his shoulders. He had his power back. He was a shinigami again. He could fell right and whole again. He could be happy and stop hurting. And it was all thanks to the man in front of him.

"Fuck, i'm so happy ? I hadn't felt like this for ages Kisuke ! I fell like i could do anything !"

"Oh really ? Then, why not kissing me and then we could go downstairs to fight for a little while ?"

"That's actually a really good idea now."

Both were smiling as they leaned into each other, pressing loving kisses onto their lips. Ichigo's kept smiling as Urahara was kissing him, filling him with even more happiness than he could fell right now.  
Kissing for a bit more time, they finally pulled apart after one last small kiss on Ichigo's forehead. 

"Let's go ? I can't wait anymore, i want to be with Zangetsu again. And fight with you. And fell all of this sensations again. Come ?"

Extanding his hand to Urahara, he smiled when the man took it.

"Let's not keep you waiting anymore then. We have a training to fullfilled now !"

Following the younger man, he couldn't help the small laugh that came out of his mouth when Ichigo let out a little happy scream after he was done speaking. He looked like a little child.

Shaking slighty his head, he couldn't stop the smile that was resting on his face the whole time they were fighting each other. It was good to see Ichigo like this again. To see him smile without forcing it. It was real. He couldn't help the feeling of proudness inside of him, to think that he was partly the cause of this changement. It felt good.

His lover was happy and living again. It was all that matter for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like the ship Ichigo x Kisuke for some reasons ? I don't know i find their bonding cute :(  
> But i can't find a lot of OS or FF about them so that's kinda sad :(
> 
> Thanks for reading all of this !  
> I hope it wasn't so bad for you all ?  
> I'll try to work harder on my english as i know it's not the best !  
> I work on it with one of my virtual friends and who speak english.  
> (Actually already thinking about an OS or FF...)  
> Feel free to tell me if something is wrong, i'll try to make it better !  
> See you !


End file.
